


We Will Stumble Through Heaven

by ElectricEuphonium



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BoJack is questioning his sexuality, Herb doesn't get cancer, Horsin' Around In A Gay Way, M/M, Questioning my Saxuality, Well - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-21 18:34:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8256121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElectricEuphonium/pseuds/ElectricEuphonium
Summary: When Herb kisses BoJack during "The Telescope", he doesn't push him away. He kisses back. Exploring what would happen if Herb wasn't just a friend, but a lover. Buckle up, it's the ship that no one asked for but that I'm delivering all the same!





	1. The Sun In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> look I just really like the idea of this okay

“So, what do ya say? Wanna be my star?”

“Seriously? O-of course I do! Of course, Herb!” He rushed forward and they met halfway, arms linked.

“Jesus Christ, thank you!”

Their faces were close, eyes looking into each other when Herb closed the gap by kissing BoJack.

His first instinct was to try and get away, his father’s rants on “faggots these days” echoing in his ears, but be it rebelliousness towards his father’s attitude or not, BoJack didn't push Herb away, didn't try to separate their lips. After a moment, he gripped Herb’s shoulders, opening his mouth and attempting to deepen the kiss. Herb seemed to freeze up for a moment, but then he gladly opened his mouth, something like a smile forming as their tongues connected. BoJack’s lips were tickled by Herb’s facial hair, and it made the horse’s nose scrunch up a bit. Herb pulled back. “Shit, I, uh...did I read that wrong? Was it my breath?”

“No, no, just...your beard tickled me. I've never, uh...I've never felt that. Never expected to kiss a guy.”

“Oh, okay,” Herb said, looking away sheepishly. “In a bad way?”

“No, no! I’m just...uh...not used to it.”

“Right.”

They stood there for a few moments, scratching behind their heads and desperately trying not to address what just happened.

BoJack eventually was able to break the silence. “Did we just…?”

Herb nodded frantically, licking his lips subconsciously. “Look, BoJack, why don't we go to my apartment? We can talk more there. Seems we might have some things to talk about.”

The ride was spent mostly in silence, many unasked questions going unanswered. By the time they had pulled up to Halfway Way, the tension in the car could be cut with a knife. They entered the apartment, BoJack sitting on the faded green chair and Herb sitting across from him on the edge of the bed in the corner.

“So,” Herb began, “I'm gay.”

“Okay. That's...fine?”

“Are...are you?” Herb asked, hesitantly.

“Uh…”

_His father looks away from the television with disgust. “Fags, all of them. Finally something’s come along to get rid of ‘em, and we don't even got to lift a finger!”_

_Years later, he's sitting alone at his usual table when another Junior he's never met before sits down next to him._

_“Go away.”_

_“Woah, tough crowd. I’m Andrew.”_

_A half a year later, they’re best friends. They spend hours in Andrew’s treehouse, and they never speak again when Andrew tells him he loves him. BoJack isn’t gay, can’t be, because—_

“BoJack, you alright?” Herb snapped him out of his flashback.

“...did I answer the question?”

“No, no you didn’t,” Herb said, laughing a bit.

BoJack sighed. “I...I don’t know, Herb. I don’t know what I am. My dad was always talking about ‘Fags this’ a-and ‘Gays that’ so I never considered it an option. I’ve been with a decent amount of women, and it’s not like I didn’t like them...but I guess I’ve also sort of...sometimes I look at guys the same way I do women.”

Herb smiled and leaned forward. “Well, it’s not like you gotta pick one, BoJack.”

“I…” He blinked. “I guess not.”

Herb nodded, smiling, as if he had watched BoJack process the fact that he could stop worrying about it. “You’re in Los Angeles! You can be whatever you want!”

“Whatever I want?”

“Eh, within reason,” Herb said with a smile. “I’m not gonna cover your ass if you try to be a Republican.”

“Bisexual, I guess? I guess I’m...bisexual.” BoJack said, testing how the word fell on his tongue.

“Even then, BoJack, it’s not like you absolutely need to pick something. You don’t gotta justify yourself to anyone.”

“You’re right, I guess,” said BoJack, conceding. BoJack glanced around the small apartment and licked his lips nervously. “Hey, uh, do you want to…do it again?”

Herb’s eyes widened for a moment, but they returned to normal immediately as he smiled innocently. “Do what again?”

“I'm gonna kick your ass.”

Herb just kept smiling mischievously. “I don't know what you’re talking about, BoJack, haven't the foggiest.”

BoJack stood up and walked over to him. “For Christ’s sake, just—”

“Just what?”

“I want to...I want you to kiss me again. Please.”

Herb stood so he was in front of BoJack. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Well, since you said please so nicely.”

Herb reached a hand up to place on the right side of BoJack’s head, then started to lean forward and up. He swore he could feel the horse slightly trembling against him. Slowly, ever so slowly, Herb leaned in until their mouths connected. This time, BoJack responded instantly. He reached out and rested his hands on Herb’s shoulders, the human following suit on BoJack’s waist. This time, their tongues met more naturally, sliding together as Herb let out a quiet groan. They separated after many moments and looked each other in the eyes, then kissed again, BoJack gripping both sides of Herb’s face with notable passion. They moved towards Herb’s bed, until Herb’s legs hit it and he fell onto his back, BoJack following suit. They separated as they fell, and the distance gave them a moment to examine each other. BoJack landed on top of Herb, who was looking up at him and slightly, ever so slightly panting.

Herb leaned up and grabbed the back of BoJack’s head, pulling him down into a searing kiss. BoJack sunk into it with him, following him down with fervor. Herb’s beard was scratching at his face in a way that he had never felt with a female, and he found that he didn't mind it. It actually felt sort of pleasant, which surprised BoJack. What also surprised BoJack was that he was hard, and from the feel of things, so was Herb. He experimentally grinded his crotch down onto the human’s and was met with a soft noise from between their lips.

“Hey,” Herb said, pulling back quickly, “not that I mind, but are you sure you want to…”

“Yeah, I do. I want to do...whatever it is we do.”

Herb laughed and nodded. “I can guide you through that. Let’s take it slow, okay?”

“Okay,” BoJack said, then kissed him again.

* * *

 

BoJack woke up groggily, light coming in from a crack in the curtain. He took a moment to establish his surroundings. Not his house, not his bed, Herb’s apartment…oh.

Right.

BoJack looked to his left, where Herb was lying under the covers they were sharing. He looked nude, and BoJack was naked for sure. His mind flashed a vivid rundown of the night. Herb licking his chest, BoJack lying down as Herb rode him, his cock slapping against BoJack’s lower torso, BoJack trying to suck dick for the first time. A whole night of firsts, really.

Herb mumbled something as he moved, then opened his eyes. “Mmm. Morning.”

“Morning,” BoJack greeted, then settled down under the covers and reached out to Herb. He pulled the human closer, feeling his hairy skin against his fur. He ran a hand from Herb’s cheek to his hip, bringing their faces closer as he did.

“How ya feeling?” Herb asked.

“Actually...pretty good.”

“Good,” the human said with a smile, “because I had fun.”

BoJack leaned forward to kiss him, and Herb gladly accepted it, wrapping his arms around the back of his neck.

They had sex in the mid-morning of his apartment, Herb riding BoJack’s cock like he did the night before. Herb came with a shuddering yelp of “BoJack!” and the horse pulled him down for a kiss as he climaxed. As he came down from his orgasm, they separated, foreheads pressed together as they panted.

“Damn good start to the day, I think,” Herb breathlessly muttered.

BoJack laughed, and looked in his best friend’s eyes, and fell just a little bit in love with him. 


	2. Don't Get Cut On My Edges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just look at it.

_6 Months Later_

“Hey, are you...scared, at all? That if the show takes off, everything's going to change?”

Herb laughed as he stopped drinking from his can. “Hahaha, no, BJ. I'm not scared. The future...is bright. Just look at it.”

They both gazed at the bright blue sky, which didn't seem to move at all.

“Herb, is that a backdrop?”

He squinted at it. “...Oh. You're right.”

They both started chuckling, then laughing hysterically, leaning against each other as they wiped tears from their eyes, then kissing, laughing against each other's lips.

“Mmph,” Herb let out, breaking the contact, “I think we should head out. Get drinks to celebrate a successful first episode, huh?”

“Drinks sounds good. Get drunk, get freaky…” BoJack said as he leered.

Herb reached down and playfully slapped his ass. “You know I love getting freaky.”

* * *

 

“BoJack, can we chat for a second?”

Such a casual sentence made his blood run cold. Herb looked over at him, pleading in his eyes, the eyes that he’d been coming home to for almost 4 years. “This is the big one. You got my back, BJ?”

“You know I do,” BoJack said, not entirely confident in himself.

He followed her click-clacking shoes all the way to the break area.

“I’m not gonna waste your time with small talk because you work for me, and your time is my time. We’re letting Herb go.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I can’t do that,” Angela said at the exact same time. “I’m not asking you. It’s nothing personal. I like Herb. I think he’s a good guy. But this is a business, and every day we don’t fire him, we’re flushing money down the crapper.”

  
“Well if he goes, I go.”

“Well if he goes, you go,” Angela said, again at the exact same time. “I wouldn’t do that. BoJack, I think you’re a star, and sometimes being a star means making tough choices. You can storm out, make a big show of what a ‘good’ friend you are, or you could be the guy who does his job.”

“Angela—”

“I’ll tell you when it’s your turn to talk again.”

BoJack’s eyes widened as he looked at the professional beast in front to him. Not only was she predicting every single move he had, she was in complete control.

“Look, you’re a star, but this is really just the beginning of the BoJack Horseman story. You can choose whatever path you want, but I’ll tell you right now: You don’t win awards and you don’t get to be on the covers of magazines and you don’t get to play the lead role in the _Secretariat_ movie by being a good friend.”

“ _Secretariat_?! You-you’re not bullshitting me, are you?”

“It’s not your turn,” she reminded him. “What’s that old expression about how the show must go on? Oh, right. It’s ‘ _Don’t be an idiot_.’”

BoJack was still reeling from the idea of getting to play _Secretariat_. True, he had always thought about it, but it was usually just fantasizing. This woman thought he could do _Secretariat_? Could maybe get him a spot at the lead?

She had apparently made herself a cup of coffee that she now stirred something into. “So what do you think, BoJack? That’s a courtesy question. I already know what you think because I have conversations like this one five times a day. I know who you are, and I know you’ve already made your decision. But if you want to surprise me, now’s the time to do it.”

“Herb and I are dating,” he said, then immediately clapped his hands over his mouth.

BoJack saw her eyebrows lift up a fraction of an inch. “That’s honestly something surprising. Well, I’ll offer you some advice. You see how much Herb is getting creamed out there. It’s the same reason we’re having this conversation. I would suggest that you get out of that situation immediately, or he’s just going to drag you down with him.”

“What makes you think that I would abandon my boyfriend of nearly four years?”

“The same thing that would make Kurt Russell leave Sharon Molly. The same thing that would make Harrison Ford leave Jennifer Collins. Have you ever heard of the people that they were dating?”

BoJack scratched his head. “Uh, no...who are they?”

Angela looked at him gravely. “Nobodies, BoJack. That’s who they are, that’s who they were, that’s all they’ll ever be. And without that D-List baggage dragging them down, those men were able to become stars. I know people like you, and I know that being famous means more to you than anything. That it means a lot more to you than you'd like to admit. I think you can be a star, BoJack. I really hope that you think you can too.”

She stood up and threw her entire cup of coffee in the trash. “Good talk. If you’re lucky you will never have to speak to me again.”

BoJack went out that night, and did the show, knowing the whole time that she was completely right about him.

* * *

 

BoJack stepped into the apartment, and the bedside light came on.

“Hello, BoJack,” Herb said, sitting next to the light he had just turned on.

“Kinda generic, don't you think? Like, the turning the light on, and the—”

“BoJack, I thought you were gonna have my back on this!”

“I know, Herb, I know, I just...Angela is a cold hearted bitch. I don't think I could have said anything to change her mind.”

Herb sighed. “I know that it was a tough situation...didn't you threaten to walk? That would've made them change their minds.”

BoJack cringed. “She completely predicted it. She...she said it wouldn't be a good idea.”

Herb snorted and looked away, crossing his arms. “A good idea? Y’know what else is a good idea? Your boyfriend having a job!”

BoJack stepped close and put his hands on Herb’s shoulders. “Herb, I'm sorry, it's just...I was under a lot of pressure. She said I could be a star, Herb. She told me  
I could do _Secretariat_. Could you imagine it?”

Herb ripped himself out of BoJack’s touch. “I see what the fuck you're imagining. You in lead roles, and not caring what happens to anyone else along the way.”

BoJack tried desperately to convince himself that wasn't what he wanted, but after a couple moments he really couldn't. “Herb, you know what my home life was like. If I could get myself out there, it could finally prove that I'm...that I'm not a mistake.”

“You're not a mistake, BoJack, but you sure made one,” Herb said. BoJack winced.

“Listen Herb, I…” BoJack shook his head, his breath getting harder to draw. “God, I feel like I'm drowning. I need some time to myself.”

Herb didn't necessarily look surprised. “Alright.”

He closed the door and got in his car, feeling Angela’s words ringing in his ears. He didn't think Herb was baggage, he loved him. He had never told him that, but...it was...implied? BoJack had commitment issues, and Herb knew that, so it wasn't a big deal that he didn't say it out loud. At least, he hoped it wasn't.

_Oh, my god, he thinks I don't love him._

He had to. BoJack never said it out loud, he couldn't show affection well, he was a broken person and Herb was mercifully whole. How could he ever assume that someone would know he loved them when he's never even loved someone before?

He could still back out. He could still go back and tell Herb that he loved him. The road in front of him diverged into two paths. The left showed him turning around and trying to make things right with Herb, the right showed him leaving this town, leaving it all behind because what was he doing here? Why didn't he go with Charlotte to Maine? Why was he still alive?

BoJack turned the car around, took the third option.

He was going to be a star, that's why he was here. That was all that mattered. He pushed the gas down and didn't care how fast he went.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit rushed, I feel, but I really want to get to the next chapters because I have a lot of ideas for them


	3. Running, Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey look I finally did some FUCKIN WORK

“Tell me about Herb.”

BoJack glanced out the window. “Okay. You want to know about Herb?”

“Yeah, that’s why I asked,” Diane said. She put the tip of her pen in between her lips.

BoJack looked into the rearview mirror and saw that Todd was sleeping soundly in the back of the car, curled up in his blanket and kicking his legs like a dreaming dog.

“Me and Herb were together for a number of years.”

“Well, yeah,” Diane stated, “You said he was your mentor, didn’t you?”

“No, as in, we were _together_ ,” BoJack said, emphasis placed on the last word. He looked as Diane’s eyes widened, watching her process the information in real time.

  
“Wow. Didn’t even know you were into guys.”

“He was my first one. Haven’t really been with another guy since then.” BoJack got out a cigarette and lit it, rolling down the window. He took a drag and let his hand rest so the end was leaning out the window. “We got together before _Horsin’ Around_ started. We stayed together, we were...happy. But it was a real different time. We weren’t open about it.”

“I don't imagine the network would take the news of their showrunner and the show’s star sleeping together very well, either.”

BoJack snorted. “Got that right. Anyway, we were also pretty open in terms of sex. There was a cruising spot at a bathroom nearby and he got caught there. The whole damn country was out for him after that.”

He chuffed smoke out the window. “A girl came from the network, said that they were letting him go. I wanted to fight more, but she saw right through everything. Eviscerated me. She told me she could get me the lead in the _Secretariat_ movie if I didn’t let baggage like Herb slow me down.”

“So _Secretariat,_ which…”

“Yeah. Didn’t happen.”

Diane looked at him sympathetically. “Rough break.”

“Eh, I’m over it,” BoJack said, absolutely not over it.

When they pulled up to Herb’s house BoJack instructed Todd to stay in the car and unsteadily walked up to the front door.

  
“Do you really think we’ll need to make a getaway?”

BoJack rang the doorbell. “I have no goddamn clue.”

When Herb opened the door, BoJack felt like the man was looking way deep into his body, into the deepest parts of himself that he hadn’t shown to anybody for years. His hair had touches of grey to it, but his beard held the same shade of brown it always did. For a moment, nobody moved and BoJack and Herb simply stared at each other. Herb seemed to be looking at him really vulnerably, then smiled. “Hey, BoJack. You look like shit. You been eating your guilt the whole time?”

Herb laughed at his own joke, and BoJack and Diane awkwardly laughed along.

“And who is this lovely creature? What unfortunate circumstance has brought you into BoJack's orbit?"

"I'm Diane. I'm writing his memoir."

“Is it called _Portrait of an Asshole?_ Hah! Come in, come in. I’m finishing up dinner. Unless you don’t have an appetite. From eating your guilt.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

They entered and BoJack looked around the house in wonderment. The last time he saw Herb he lived in a little apartment. Now he could afford a house almost as good as BoJack’s own?

“I'm making mashed potatoes and country fried steak. Southern. Fun stuff!”

BoJack and Diane simply nodded as they sat down at the table. They looked around the house, at all the various pictures of Herb with important people. Diane noticed one immediately. “Wow, Herb, is that you with Bill Clinton?”

“Yeah!” He yelled from the kitchen. “I met with him when I started a charity to help provide clean water to kids in sub-Saharan Africa.”

Diane looked over to BoJack and saw that his gaze was fixated on one picture of him and Herb, one that looked like it was from the _Horsin’ Around_ days. They had their arms thrown around each other, and they were smiling at the camera. Diane reached over and touched BoJack’s shoulder, which seemed to anchor him back to reality.

“That picture sucks,” he muttered, crossing his arms.

Herb entered the dining room with two plates of food and set them down in front of BoJack and Diane. “I'll get some utensils. BoJack, how sharp of a knife do you need?”

“Uh…probably just a normal sharpness?”

“Okay. Well if you need a sharper one you can grab the one that you left in my back!” He laughed as BoJack shifted uncomfortably.

“Yeah, should've known. No one asks about...utensils.”

Herb left the room again and BoJack chuffed.

“Do you want to leave?”

“Yeah, but I won't,” BoJack grumbled. “I need to see this out.”

“That's...surprisingly mature for you.”

“Yeah, don't expect more of it.”

Herb placed down the utensils when he got back into the room, and they began to eat in awkward silence, Herb occasionally breaking it with a joke at BoJack’s expense. Diane felt like she needed to find something for the two to connect over, or this day would be a complete waste. She looked across the room and spied her out.

“Hey, Herb, is that your Vitamix? BoJack has one, too. I wonder if you guys have any strong opinions about it one way or the other.”

They started ranting on it, and before she knew it they were falling into a routine of joking with each other, and for a while everything seemed like it could work.

 

~

 

“Man, I'm beat. You guys have a long drive, don't you?”

“Yeah,” Diane admitted. “We might stay at a hotel on the way back, though.” There was an empty wine glass on the table and Diane stared at it for a moment, then snapped back into consciousness.

“This was surprisingly decent. It was...actually nice to see you, BoJack. You can see yourselves out.” Herb turned and started to journey up the stairs, chuckling to himself about jokes they had made.

BoJack watched him go, a strange sense of melancholy overtaking him. Diane nudged him with her elbow.

“What?” He snapped.

“You know what you should do.”

“Well, yeah, but I don't want to,” he groaned. Diane shoved him on the back and he started making his way towards the stairs.

“I'll be in the car!” She called to him.

When he reached the top, he saw an open doorway with a light on that he assumed was Herb’s. He hesitantly knocked on the doorframe.

“Yeah?”

“It's BoJack.” He leaned his head in. Herb was at his cabinet, a pill bottle in his hand. BoJack entered the room as Herb took a brightly colored pill and swallowed it with a glass of water.

“What's that for?”

“Herb looked at him briefly, and was about to say something when BoJack interrupted.

“Y’know what, it’s not my business.”

“Anything you need?” Herb asked, then sat the pill bottle down on the cabinet. BoJack took a deep breath, then spoke.

“Herb...I'm sorry. For everything.”

“Okay. I appreciate it, but I don't forgive you,” he said, crossing his arms.

BoJack jolted, but then realized that was exactly what he deserved. “I get it. I really don't know why I expected you to.”

“Better men than me would accept it, but I'm not as good as them. You aren't either,” he remarked.

BoJack gazed around the room. “It was just a job, Herb,” he said quietly.

“You and I know _damn well_ it wasn't just the job, BoJack. You left me alone. We were together for...for years! And you just left, like it was nothing! I cared about the job, but I got over it! What I really needed was someone there.”

“What was I supposed to do?”

“ _Something!_ More than nothing! Even if we weren't in a relationship, I just needed something, anything! Fuck!”

Herb stood there after saying those things, releasing them like he had been meaning to do it for years. BoJack felt unpleasantness churn in his gut as he looked in his ex-lover’s eyes. Usually, he would hurt people and run, because that was easier, but for the first time in a while he stood in front of someone he hurt and took the full brunt of their damage. “Herb, look, I…”

“I really don't want to hear it right now, BoJack. I think you should leave.”

So, he left.

 

~

 

“It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.”

“Yeesh. What happened in Miami?”

“I gotta go,” BoJack said, and hung up the call.

He turned on the radio, then immediately turned it off. Diane looked at him and he shook his head. BoJack slowed and turned into a stop at the side of the rode. He violently exited the car and slammed the door. With a shuddering exhale, he quickly walked to the edge of the road that overlooked the ocean and the starry night sky. He let out a few quick breaths, tears filling his eyes, fists clenching, the wind in his hair. He let himself breathe, because he wasn't sure if he could keep himself from breaking down. The sound of Diane’s footsteps approached as he opened his eyes.

“Hey...if it makes you feel any better, we don't have to put this in the book.”

“No,” he said, sniffling. “We agreed. Warts and all. I just didn't think…”

 _...that this would effect me so much_ , is what goes unsaid.

“Yeah.” She said, and looked out at the water. BoJack did too, after a moment, and for a while they stared out at the coast as BoJack wished things could have gone better.

Diane didn't acknowledge the tears that he almost let spill, and he was grateful.


	4. If You Want To Go To Heaven...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after the end of Season 3, so, ya know. Spoilers.

BoJack opened his eyes and slammed on the brakes. His speedometer that previously read in the 100s now stood stock still at 0. He panted, the warm desert sun beating down on his hair. Sarah-Lynn’s face flashed in his mind for the thirtieth time that day. BoJack started driving again, this time at a more reasonable pace. He lifted his phone to his mouth and held in in the home button on his phone so the voice control would activate. The chime sounded and he hesitated before speaking.

  
“Give me directions to Miami.”

  
“Giving you directions to My Mommy…” The robotic voice spoke.

  
“That's not even one of my contact--oh, forget it.” BoJack slowed down and typed in the search query himself.

  
“Route Started,” a different voice said from his speaker. “You will arrive at your destination in one day and twelve hours.”

  
BoJack chuffed and set his phone on the stand he kept on his dashboard. He had a long drive ahead of him, and one that might not even end up benefiting him in the slightest.

  
Still better than being in LA.

  
~

  
He pulled up to the house he hadn't been to since before Diane’s book was out. BoJack sighed and turned the car off, stepping out and walking up to the front door of Herb’s house. He hesitated, then knocked.

  
Herb opened the door, and almost closed it again immediately, but didn't. He looked BoJack up and down. “You look like shit.”

  
“I feel like shit.”

  
Herb sighed, gave him a withering look, then waved BoJack in. “Come in.”

  
BoJack slowly followed Herb in and looked around the house. Nothing had really changed, as far as he could tell. Herb walked over to a table where a bottle of whiskey and some glasses lay and poured BoJack a glass. He silently handed it to him and sat on a chair that was next to the couch. BoJack set the whiskey down on the coffee table and flopped down on the couch, completely laid down.

  
They didn't talk for a while. BoJack tried to make his mind completely blank, but all he really succeeded in doing was staring at the ceiling in frustration.

  
“So how have things been? Bad, I assume.”

  
“Yeah,” BoJack said, glancing to the man. “Pretty bad. I...killed Sarah Lynn.”

  
“That was a pretty big fuck up on your part.”

  
BoJack felt a strange swell of relief wash over him. He realized that while he needed people to validate his behavior, it was refreshing and good to have someone say things a bit more bluntly.

  
“Yeah.”

  
They sat in silence again.

  
“Welp, I'm gonna make dinner.”

  
BoJack just kept lying there.

  
~

  
“BoJack.”

  
“Yeah?” He looked up from the TV, still in his position on the couch. Herb stood there, his arms crossed. He wore

  
“It's been like a week and you've barely moved from that couch. We’re not super...amicable right now, but I don't like seeing ya like this.”

  
“This is all I'm good for. Don't you get that?”

  
“No, you're-”

  
“I'm poison, Herb!” BoJack yelled, sitting up. Herb flinched as he raised his voice for the first time since he came to his house. “I can't fix it and no one can fix it, because it's what I am. I was born like this, and everyday as I get closer and closer to death I drag everyone else along with me.”

  
BoJack sounded like he was long resigned to the fact, and considering what BoJack had just told him, he probably was. Herb sat down on the couch and sighed. BoJack grunted and scooted his legs up so that Herb could have a whole cushion. BoJack opened his mouth and before he could control it he was telling Herb everything. Everything that had been happening to him for at least the last 5 years, even if Herb wasn't listening. He just needed to purge it all out of his system. By the time he finished, he felt like he was coming to terms with maybe some of the things that he had done, some of the things that had happened to him.

  
“That's a lot.”

  
“Yeah.” BoJack looked at Herb. “Do you think I'm a bad person?”

  
Herb was quiet for a half a minute. “Objectively, yeah, maybe. Objectively we might all be bad people.”

  
“We? Like, the whole world?”

  
“Entertainers,” Herb said with a smile. “We can act like we just want to give to the public, but in the end we’re in it for success just like anyone else.”

  
They sit in silence again, watching the TV.

  
“Did you ever love me?”

  
“What?” Herb asked, but there was no doubt he had heard what he said.

  
BoJack sighed. “I said, did you ever really love me?”

  
Herb combed a hand through his beard. “Why are you asking?”

  
“I feel like I'm kinda just...unlovable, at this point. I end up ruining every relationship I have.”

  
Herb looked to BoJack’s downtrodden expression and shrugged. “For what it's worth...yeah. I told you it a decent amount of times, and I meant it. I definitely loved you.”

  
Herb stood up and walked to the stairs, crossing the front of the couch. He patted BoJack on the shoulder as he passed him. “If that makes you feel any better, well there ya go.”

  
“You’re wrong,” BoJack said.

  
Herb stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned back around to look at BoJack. “About what?”

  
“You said we might all be bad people, but...you, you’re not. You're one of the good ones.”

  
Herb let a soft smile grow on his face, and felt his mood brighten instantly. “Goodnight, BoJack.”

  
“G’night, Herb.”

  
~ 2 Weeks Later ~

  
Smiling felt out of place on BoJack’s face. He hadn't really felt happy since he’d come to Herb’s place, but now here he was, him and the man next to him on the couch joking along as they watched reruns of Horsin’ Around.

  
“Christ, I swear there is _nothing_ on this earth uglier than the sweater you wore,” Herb chuckled.

  
“Oh, it wasn't that bad,” he argued, slightly wounded because he loved that shitty sweater.

  
“If you say so,” Herb laughed as the episode ended. He picked up the remote and checked what was coming on next. “Ooh, I love this movie! You remember we used to watch this?”

  
“Yeah,” BoJack said, not mentioning that they mostly watched it when they were together. He honestly was having a good time. He had forgotten how nice it was to be around Herb. He settled into the couch, not even noticing that he scooted a bit closer to Herb.

  
Herb had noticed, and Herb had noticed that BoJack hadn’t noticed. He didn't mention it, and didn't discourage it. In the back of his head he heard a voice saying oh hell no, he should not be encouraging that kind of behavior, but a louder voice said fuck it, and he scooted a small amount closer to BoJack. That time, BoJack noticed, and he scooted over in return. By the time the movie was halfway over, they were basically touching, side by side on the couch. Herb decided to take a chance, and leaned against BoJack. The horse seemed to freeze for a moment, but he relaxed and allowed Herb to stay there, his head leaned against’s BoJack’s side. Soon, the movie was over. The credits started rolling and Herb looked at BoJack, at the same time BoJack looked to Herb. They stared at each other and Herb had to laugh. “What the hell are we doing?”

  
BoJack found himself giving a tentative smile, too. “I'm not too sure.”

  
Herb let out a sigh and leaned up. He reached out to grab BoJack’s shoulders, heart rate quickening. “This is probably an awful idea.”

  
“The worst,” BoJack agreed, leaning in to Herb’s face. “Really should have stopped you from cuddling up to me the second half of the movie.”

  
“I did not _cuddle_ you.”

  
BoJack grinned. “I dunno, it seemed preeeeetty cuddly there.”

  
Herb shook his head and gazed at BoJack with something like fondness. “You are...unbelievable.”

  
They looked at each other, eyes meeting and sizing each other up, thoughts racing and heartbeats becoming steadily faster. Before either of them could overthink it, Herb leaned in and connected their lips for the first time in years. BoJack melted into the kiss, pulling Herb closer. BoJack leaned back and Herb followed suit, straddling him as their tongues started to intertwine. They disconnected breathlessly and Herb shook his head. “Awful idea.”

  
“Absolutely,” BoJack said, and nothing could stop him when he kissed Herb again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the feedback, it means a lot. for a bunch of bullshit (or if you just want to say hi) follow me on tumblr! Link on my profile


	5. ...You Should Fuck Me Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT. SMUT. SMUT.

__Herb gripped the small of BoJack’s back, then trailed his hands down to his bottom. The horse made a noise of satisfaction as he pushed Herb a little more into the door they had just closed and that the human’s back was to, not breaking their kiss. BoJack ran his hands over Herb’s chest, then broke the kiss to help him take his shirt off. BoJack trailed his hand through the hair that covered his chest and brought his head down to lick at and suck on one of Herb’s nipples.

“A-ah…!”

BoJack grinned. “Still sensitive after all these years?”

Herb groaned and shoved his head back down. The horse happily complied and returned to sucking and nibbling, switching between the two hardened buds. BoJack groped the crotch of Herb’s pants and found his hard cock radiating heat through it. He palmed away, feeling his smaller companion tremble and jerk at the movements he made. Herb kept his chub over all these years, but BoJack had always liked that. It made his figure more shapely. There was more to love. He rubbed a hand over his stomach and grinned.

_We’ve both got a gut now._

Herb grabbed at BoJack’s sweater and he removed his hands from the man’s dick to help remove it. Herb pushed BoJack towards the bed and he let himself fall back onto it. The smaller climbed on top, straddling him and rubbing their jeans-restricted cocks together. They both groaned and BoJack pulled Herb down to him to kiss him. Wet smacking sounds filled BoJack’s ears as they slid tongues together and ground their bodies continuously against each other. BoJack broke off to shuck his undershirt off and resumed their makeout. Herb got both of their pants and underwear off, and they were finally blissfully naked and grinding against each other. BoJack’s hefty cock made a stark contrast to Herb’s smaller (but still good-looking) one. BoJack leaned down and reconnected his lips to his exes, remarking at how well their lips and bodies still fit together. Herb crawled down the horse’s body, licking wherever he felt like along BoJack’s abdomen and thighs. When he reached his manhood he wrapped his lips around the head and sunk all the way down.

“Fuck…” BoJack watched in amazement as Herb was able to take the entirety of his cock in his mouth. He felt Herb’s throat contract over what he couldn’t fit in his mouth and nearly felt like he was going to pass out. He writhed on the bed, soft pants and gasps and _oh, fuck_ s spilling out of his mouth like the steady stream of pre-cum on his leg as Herb started grinding against him. BoJack rubbed back with his leg and Herb moaned appreciatively as he continued deepthroating his dick. Herb had to pull up to breathe a bit and ran his lips around BoJack’s head. BoJack let out a breath he didn’t even know he had held.

“When the hell did you learn to do that?”

Herb laughed. “I’ve had a lot of practice over the years.”  
The human grinned as he continued to jerk BoJack’s cock. “God, I need this inside me.”

“I, uh...I’m definitely good with that,” BoJack approved.

“I need to get my lube,” Herb remarked. He grabbed for the drawer in the bedside table and when he had the bottle, bent himself over and put on a show of fingering himself loose. BoJack’s cock twitched as the human let out huffs and pants while he fingered his ass open to accommodate the largeness he would be taking. After what BoJack felt was too little time, Herb growled, “Ugh, I need you to fuck me right now.”

BoJack didn't want to disappoint, so he took the opportunity to line his cock up with Herb’s entrance and push in. He slowly sunk into the man, feeling the tight warmth surround his cock inch by inch. “Oh, fuck, Herb, shit…”

“Very eloquent. Now fuck me.”

BoJack grabbed his thighs and pulled back slow, then thrust forward, making Herb cry out “Oh, fuck yeah,” and making BoJack grunt in pleasure. The horse ran his hands over Herb’s hairy back and chuffed. He started pushing back onto the cock that he was speared on, an unspoken request to keep going. He complied, thrusting his hard dick in and out of his ex-lovers ass. Or, current lover, he supposed. He came embarrassingly fast, grunting and shaking as he filled Herb with cum and the human came not long after, crying BoJack’s name. The horse lay down next to him and they slowly came down as Herb lay his head on BoJack’s chest.

BoJack was coming to realize that this slowly felt less like a heat of the moment thing. The way Herb gazed up at him with some sort of hope in his eyes made BoJack realize that he kind of wanted something like that too. The more rational part of him screamed that it was an awful idea, which it was. But that rational part didn't stop him from laying his hand on Herb’s head and stroking through his hair.

“We’re old,” BoJack said.

“Yeah.”

“We should be considered well past our prime for relationships.”

“Definitely.”

BoJack looked away. “I'm...a really bad person.”

Herb was silent. BoJack continued.

“But...I...wouldn't be against...trying again. If you're up for it.”

Herb looked as if he was considering it. Then, he laughed. “That's a terrible idea.”

BoJack’s stomach dropped and he felt a cold settle over him. “Right. Well, I'll uh…go, then, I guess.”

BoJack made to stand up, but the human’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “That's a terrible idea...and, for some stupid fucking reason, I want to try again too.”

BoJack smiled as relief flowed through his veins and the warmth returned to him, and as he settled back down and Herb kissed him all he could think was _perfect, perfect, perfect_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for waiting ^^ 
> 
> sorry it's a bit short, but I wanted to isolate the smut to one chapter


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